Yesterday I got the urge to post pictures of the famous women I admire most in this world because of their looks. I believe that no matter how straight one is, he is able to tell if an individual of same sex is hot or not. So, in my eyes one of the most beautiful women in the world are:

 
Need I say more?

   
Cate Blanchett; Asia Argento

   
Liv Tyler                           

 Wow. Year 2009. I refuse to publish all my wishes and plans for the new year because I'm afraid they'll never happen if I do. Anyway, I had ridiculously a lot of fun when the year changed. I was walking to a bar with one of my best friends with a can of cider in one hand and a cigarette in another, in the middle of a pitch black, cold, snowy and windy suburbia. That was nice.

 I went out with a girlfriend yesterday. I went to her apartment before and she gave me vodka, which I usually never drink. I drank three drinks of soda and vodka mixed together. At the nightclub I drank two ciders and a shot. I was amazingly wasted and started to feel sick, spending the rest of the evening being very sick at the bathroom. I came home around 3 o'clock and biking those 3 kilometers was extremely difficult and included falling twice. I probably made a terrible noise when I came home and don't know if my room mate figured out what was going on. I went to sleep and slept 10 hours, waking up and feeling terrible. I still feel terrible. I am sure vodka caused all this and I'll make sure I'll never drink it again. Jeez, I feel like an idiot.

I've been watching Lost the whole day and now I really should put myself together and start writing my last essay before the holiday.

My gorgeous man left the country on Tuesday and now that I can't see him before January 15th or so, I think of him even more. It's so funny - or rather stupid - because the situation still hasn't changed: I can't really see myself having a serious relationship with him. Yesterday a guy came to dance with me and since I wasn't interested of the whole situation I used the excuse "I'm already spoke for". Old habits. Saying that just seems to calm them down every time. When I said it I was thinking about my Turk which was due to the vodka but there's a little bit of truth there, too. I don't like to watch anyone else now that I "have" him.

 I might be seeing him tomorrow. I'm having certain trust issues but I hope I'll either conquer them or surrender and call the whole thing off. I'm talking about difficulties to believe him when he says he's serious. That's rather ridiculous since I am most certainly not serious with him. I don't want a serious relationship and I simply cannot see myself having one with him. One problem are cultural differences, the second the fact that I feel our interests don't meet. But as bitchy as it sounds I still don't want to be fooled around and one of those poor girls he might be playing at the same time with behind their backs - or should I say our backs. I might be doing that to him, though. I really, really don't know what I want. Well, him sexually, which is obvious but ARGH. If I see him tomorrow, I might change my mind completely. Changing my mind every other hour is the hardest thing in this.
 
"I miss you" sounds nice on the phone, though, coming from a gorgeous man.

He interrupted my yoga session when he called a while ago and I can't concentrate on asanas anymore. Thanks a lot.

 Today I realized something in shower but forgot it already. Unfortunately. It was something very clever and clarifying but what can I do? I probably don't even have to say it had something to do with that special significant other. I guess the thought simply was that he just isn't that significant after all but I can't catch the idea any more.

I'm having a fucking annoying flu and a lot of school stuff to do. I shouldn't even be talking about school as I'm studying at the uni but it doesn't make writing an unpleasant essay funnier at all, so...

Now I'll make myself a nice cup of coffee, continue on writing my essay and do my best to finish it in a couple of hours.

 Note to self: switching my brain off and forgetting about that "he loves me/loves me not" bullshit isn't working. He's like 150 km away and that's all I can think about. I can't concentrate on anything else. I HATE THIS.

 I met a gorgeous man on Friday. He came to dance with me in a bar and started to hit on me. That wasn't the first time; I am after all a blonde and these kind of Turkish players seem to be attracted to it. He, however, turned out to be a little different. I'm not saying completely different but a little bit. I'm trying not to loose my skepticism about all the cultural differences regarding relationships between a man a woman and also the fact that no matter how divine this man is (physically), he might not (mentally) be the kind of man I would spend the rest of my life with or even consider doing so. This is much more physical than anything I've experienced with a man before and he's driving me crazy. Luckily I seem to be driving him crazy, too. (I just have no idea how I did it or what he really sees in me.) The bottom line is, should I be able to have fun for once and not think too much? The obvious answer is yes. Everybody knows what they say about Turkish men: hot, passionate and know how to deal with a lady. From what I know this little experience, that's the truth. So what I really have to do now is to turn off my brain and stop thinking about all the "he loves me/loves me not" bullshit and enjoy it while it lasts. I know this'll end up in tears but hey, that's life and it sucks anyway.

I believe a man and a woman can be just friends. Or do I? Why do I end up having a crush on every man I could be friends with? This evening I had a perfect example on it. Again.  I study in a class where there are 17 girls and 2 boys. The both boys are nice and definitely people I'd like to have as friends. Tonight they proved they are people worth getting know to since I don't yet know them very well. The problem is I think I'm having a crush on one of them. I hate it. I know as a straght it is natural to feel affection to the opposite sex but why do I have to complicate my own mind? I'll be spending the next week with the one I have a crush on - I mean, working with him like 8 hours a day, probably even sleeping in the same room with him. Could I just turn some switch off or something?! The only person that suffers from this is me and I'd really like to spare myself from it.

This evening also proved me there are areas in female thinking I really dislike. One of them is stabbing each other in the back. I've done it - frankly a lot - in the past. Now I'm starting to see and feel it around me again  -  even the male individuals in our class are feeling it and know about it. It makes me fucking sick. I might have problems with some people and I might not like everyone I meet but do we really have to let everybody know it? It ends up in tears, that's for sure.

 Going "home" tomorrow. Feeling stressed and pissed off cause some moron just decided to mess some courses up at the university so I'm not going. It's not so important after all but everybody else in my class is going - not willingly, but still going. Plus I have other stuff to do, such as a lecture at 7.15 and what am I doing? Not packing my things for tomorrow, not cleaning up or washing dishes so my room mate won't have to live in my dirt when I'm gone. I should really put myself together.

I am so happy to see Ostrobothnia again which is quite strange since when I still lived there I didn't feel it was my place. Now it in a way does. It's not the people or the cultural environment but the landscape and the general feeling. I don't know. On the other hand during these couple of months here I've started to love the sights around here - especially the river. Couldn't live without it anymore. There are no big rivers in where I come from. Probably that's what I'll miss in the weekend.

Now I'm very brave and busy and reasonable and I'll switch off the Photoshop and the Macbook and start doing something I should be doing.

I'll probably skip the lecture at 7.15. It's a part of the course I'm not gonna go anyway so at this sudden moment of angst I sort of see no point in going. We'll see.

Too bad they only exist on TV.

SAYID JARRAH (Lost)
If you ask me, Sayid Jarrah is the best badass on TV, ever. I have a thing for bad guys in general but Sayid is simply more gorgeus than anyone else. He is cruel, determined, kills people in cold blood and worked as a torturer - or "communications officer" -  in Iraq but he is also clever, knows what's right and does everything for the people close to him. And just listen to that accent! And notice those cute black eyes and dark skin and the curly hair. Naveen Andrews just might be one of the hottest men on earth.





TONY HILL (Wire in the blood) 
Tony Hill isn't physically good looking in the sense Sayid is - I don't mind looking at him, though - but he is oh-so-wise. I'm into the human mind and Tony Hill is basically in it. Plus Wire in the blood is the most realistic crime series ever filmed.




Why can't you guys be real, why??

And yes, I have four books to read (two of which are in English) and some other stuff to do but oh well...

Yesterday I was in a party with all possible nationalities, an exchange student party held nearby. And well, that was a first. A lot louder than in a Finnish party - in a positive way. Also the quality of conversation was better, or at least it's more interesting to talk to someone from a different culture in English. As a stupid Finn, my small talk in these situations just tends to cover the phrases "where do you come from?" and "why did you choose Finland?".

Something that really started to annoy me, though, was the attitude some Italian guy had. At that point we had moved to a nightclub and I and another Finnish girl mentioned Finnish men are too drunk and too annoying. I told I'm not very fond of them and he started to talk about the flaws of the Finns, including impoliteness and the lack of social skills. Ok, that's partly true - especially if you come from Southern Europe - but from my point of view Finns also say what they mean and are in general very straightforward. The Italiano mentioned that if he opens a door for a Finnish girl or gives her a seat or walks her home, she doesn't like it or she's at least surprised. That's true. But the way I see it, is that Finns are very independent and we like to do things ourselves. I don't need a man asking me "can I help you?" or offering to do things for me all the time and I don't even like to be asked because I can goddamn manage! On the other hand it's nice if someone opens a door for me but if my womanhood depends on it, then fine: perhaps I'm not feminine enough.

I might have met one of the princes of my dreams last night, though. Unfortunately he doesn't live in the area and is a little too old for me. But was difference does the age make, really? I usually dislike guys that are as old as I am cause they are... little brats. But oh well, I didn't give the guy my phone number.

Funny how little accidents spoil your day that started wonderfully in the morning and used to be wonderful till something crashed. Today it was - once again - my bicycle. I've had it. I'm tired of putting money to an object that always lets me down, especially when the object in this case is something I need in my everyday life, meaning my bike. First the tires, now something else. Dunno how many euros I have to put in that useless piece of shit this time. I'm so gonna get a job and buy a new one. Like in a billion years.

I'm waiting for a parcel which should be delivered to my home door. I am at home and they had left a note in my mail box and tried to call me. The note says I can go get the parcel after 4 pm. 4 pm?! Now I have to wait two hours till I can go to the supermarket and the post office. I was going to bake bread today but suddenly I don't feel like it anymore.

 I read The Lord of the Rings for the first time in 2001 as the huge wave of LotR mania came. Since then I've read the books and watched the films thousands of times. Usually sometime in the semester I get the feeling that I desperately need LotR. Then I read the books and watch the films and basically think and do all kinds of things related to Tolkien's world. It's a funny thing that since I kinda learned about Tolkien through Peter Jackson's film adaptations, I sort of mix the two versions of LotR in my mind. Some fans are very strict about the line between the "real" LotR and Jackson's film version and I in fact believe there are two kinds of Lord of the Rings fans: those who adore the films and those who adore the books. I am a devoted book fan. However, the film trilogy is the best film trilogy ever made. For me the films are a visualization of the book. When I think of Éomer son of Eomund (which I quite frankly do a lot these days) I think of a guy looking like Karl Urban portraying the character. This happens even when I'm reading the book. I'm not fond of some artistic liberties Jackson took while filming and I'd really like to discuss some of them with him (for example the TTT scene where Aragorn falls in the river, it's just... terrible) but I can't think of the Lord of the Rings as a book without his version. A part of this has to do with the fact that I love the visual look of the films. There's something magical in it just like in the book and the whole Middle Earth concept - it's something spectacular. Therefore I am now entertaining myself on Youtube watching the gorgeous men of Middle Earth portrayed by one of the hotties in our universe.

Slash, by the way, is a thing I really don't understand. I've tried, but no, no, no, no. What's the point of fantasizing gorgeous men having sex with each other? What's the use?